City Slickers (1991)

For Men Only: 7 Ways to Impress a Worthy Woman

For Men Only:  7 Ways to Impress a Worthy Woman

by

Dr. Gilda Carle

Some years ago, women made The Rules their Bible.  It was a guidebook on how to manipulate men into marriage.  Men felt duped, confused, and used—and the con game set male-female relationships back.  Today men are still perplexed about how to relate to women, and women are similarly perplexed when it comes to dealing with men.

Finally, will both genders please decide what they want?  In her song, “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?,” Paula Cole laments, “Where is my John Wayne?, Where is my happy ending?, Where have all the cowboys gone?” Most women fantasize having an Alpha dude—for protection, shelter, and guidance.  But there’s a drawback.  In their attempt to provide the virility they think women want, tough guys have shelved their sensitivity—and have lost part of what it means to be alive.

This non-spoken arrangement is ironic:  After she snags her tough guy, the woman who thought she wanted Rambo, decides he’s really Dumbo—too distant and unwieldy to love.  So she replaces Marlboro Man with Marshmallow Man whom she believes it is her mission to mold.  See, somewhere in her upbringing, she deduced that she’s the Relationship Police, and no man is complete until she “fixes” him.  Unfortunately, her new model soon loses his appeal because this guy becomes a backbone-challenged jellyfish—after all, without spurs or spine.  Now the woman complains he’s too soft!  What a relationship mess!

Who’s fooling whom? Hollywood cowboys on camera are as fictitious as Cinderella and that monarch with the shoe fetish.  Although my book warns women, “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” my message only hits their hollow earrings.  Women insist they need a gaucho to rescue them. (From what, even they don’t know!), and men unwittingly play into this fractured feminine assumption.  After all, they want to feel needed.  (Of course, this proves that, despite what women think, men truly do want love, and are even willing to twist themselves into pretzels to get it.)

In the end, nobody ends up with what s/he thought s/he wanted, and both genders feel misled, angry, and alone.  Yet sadly, they continue their feckless efforts to pursue new partners in the same vein.  Of course, nothing changes.  As my Gilda-Gram advises, “What you struggle to get, you struggle to keep.”  And subterfuge is an impossible base for lasting love.

But, ahhh, things may have begun to move onto healthier terrain.  Tony Soprano started it, as he sat in therapy.  Now some Alpha Men have been embracing their taskmaster toughness, while also acknowledging their compassion.  Half the subscribers to my Instant Advice service on my site are now men. They are honest, real and raw, unabashedly displaying relationship pain, yet craving answers on how to make their love lives work.

Okay, here’s the skinny from a female relationship expert. Gals may be uncertain about what they want from you dudes, but there are definite behaviors to which women respond.  Try these on for size, and see if your Relate-ability Quotient doesn’t rise.

7 Rules for Relating to Women:

1)    You may not understand women (and many women admit they don’t understand themselves), but you can ask questions about a woman’s life and dole out honest compliments.

OUTCOME: Women’s egos are massaged when they feel noticed and desired.  This is separate from trying to seduce them!  (However, the better your ego massage technique, the closer you’ll get to the sack!!)

2)    Women want supportive love.  If your woman doesn’t know how to give it, show her by example.

OUTCOME: Your behavior, not your words, is a woman’s greatest teacher on how to return the love YOU want.  Go out of your way unconditionally, inconvenience yourself, and deliver niceties that are totally unexpected.

3)    Share your feelings—and your fears—with your lady.  As my Gilda-Gram says, “Self-disclosure is symmetrical.”

OUTCOME:  Little by little, open up about your preferences and your goals.  As you become more vulnerable, so will your lady. Openness and vulnerability bond a relationship.

4)    Pursue activities that inspire you, despite what she may think of them.

OUTCOME: Your expression of delight and joy becomes contagious.  Your woman will want to share your optimism with you. She may choose to join you in activities she originally rejected, or she may just bask in your enthusiasm when you return to her.

5)    The less confused you are in understanding your woman, the less manipulated you will be by her.

OUTCOME: A man’s confusion makes a woman feel he’s weak, malleable, and ripe for “fixing.”  Demonstrate respect for your woman’s perspective, but remain committed to your own. She’ll show a   new admiration for you.

6)    Don’t let a woman try to change anything about you with which you are content—unless you’re into dangerous or unhealthy activities.  Display your strength by projecting who you are, and let her know you’re happy as you are.

OUTCOME: When you trumpet your persona, your woman will avoid her urge to renovate.  She’ll also get turned on. (It’s Adolescent Psych, where kids lobby their parents for more freedom, but their parents’ saying “no” is interpreted as “love.”  Go figure!)

7)    Communicate your expectation of support, respect, and friendship. These are your standards and boundaries.

OUTCOME: When you unwaveringly sustain your parameters, you announce your Alpha strength.  Ladies crave men who are persevering and resolute.  They read these traits as “sexy.”

The 1991 movie, “City Slickers,” depicted some big city guys with mid-life crises. To seek answers, they spent two weeks renewing themselves as cowboys out west. Through physical feats they never took on in the concrete jungle, the men discovered that strength does not negate sensitivity. In fact, they learned their masculinity was emboldened by their tenderness.

Honor your Alpha, but maintain your truth.  Steadfast, chivalrous men are very attractive—because a self-accepting guy knows he loses nothing by also being vulnerable.  Plenty of women seek compassionate cowboys with spurs AND spines AND souls.  Most of these men dwell far from home on the range!

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City Slickers (1991)

City Slickers: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack $16.98 10 track soundtrack from the Billy Crystal film. Marc Shaiman score....

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City Slickers [VHS] $0.18 Three middle-age buddies (Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, Bruno Kirby) facing personal crises decide to sign up for a two-week cattle run for a change of pace. The trail proves a tougher place than anyone thought, and the boss (Jack Palance) is a grizzled taskmaster who doesn't cotton to tenderfoot urbanites. Popular in theaters, the film is both funny and moving, with Crystal giving one of his most ...

City Slickers 2 - The Legend of Curly's Gold $2.98 Laugh-filled sequel to the hit sagebrush farce finds Billy Crystal heading back to the West with pal Daniel Stern and brother Jon Lovitz to search for treasure hidden by their late cowpoke pardner. While hunting for the loot, the trio encounter Curly's twin brother, Duke (played by Jack Palance), and the fun begins. Patricia Wettig co-stars. 115 min. Widescreen (Enhanced); Soundtracks: English Dol...

City Slickers $5.74 Three middle-age buddies (Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, Bruno Kirby) facing personal crises decide to sign up for a two-week cattle run for a change of pace. The trail proves a tougher place than anyone thought, and the boss (Jack Palance) is a grizzled taskmaster who doesn't cotton to tenderfoot urbanites. Popular in theaters, the film is both funny and moving, with Crystal giving one of his most ...